Walls Up
Do I want to stay friends with someone who votes against my human rights?
This is a question I’ve been grappling with lately. I don’t have many Republican friends—just one, really, who is openly so. Most of my social circle avoids Trump, not because they’re all staunch liberals (though most lean that way), but because they see him for what he is: an opportunist, a grifter masquerading as a businessman. Someone they wouldn’t trust to run their HOA, let alone a country. My friends generally prioritize human rights over padding the pockets of the ultra-wealthy.
Then there’s this one friend. She’s in the top 1% and votes in ways that protect her wealth. She’s even given me financial advice before, helping me lower my taxes. I understand the logic—it’s her money, after all—but it still stings.
As a lesbian, it feels deeply personal. Knowing she votes for policies and politicians that undermine my community’s rights feels like a betrayal, even if that’s not her intention. I’ve told her how her choices affect me—not to start an argument, but to be honest. It’s not abstract for me; these decisions ripple through my life in very real ways.
I don’t expect to change her mind. Decades of political beliefs and financial priorities aren’t undone by one conversation. But I needed her to know how it impacts me—not as a statistic, but as someone she claims to care about.
Where does this leave our friendship? I’m not sure. Honestly, her voting habits are just part of a bigger issue: her values. Lately, I’ve realized I don’t enjoy being around her. Her humor often feels mean-spirited, her thoughtlessness about money and waste rubs me the wrong way, and our time together feels more draining than fun.
The vote might be the cherry on top, but it’s not the whole cake. The friendships I value most are with people who listen, who are open to hearing how their actions affect others. With her, I don’t feel heard. And when my boundaries are crossed repeatedly, it’s a sign the friendship isn’t working.
Sometimes, letting go is the healthiest choice—for both of us.
