Lezbos with Husbands
Lately, I’ve been noticing a specific dynamic: women in open relationships with men who exclusively date other women outside their primary partnership. Their “extracurricular activities” are strictly sapphic.
My initial reaction—one I still stand by—is, If you’re into women, why not just fully embrace it? Cut the middleman (literally) and live your truth.
Let’s be honest, open relationships often follow a predictable trajectory: one partner suggests it as a fix for underlying issues, the other reluctantly agrees, and eventually, it all falls apart. It’s less of a solution and more like trying to patch a leaky faucet by adding more water.
What I’ve also noticed is a niche within this “open relationship” framework where the male partner seems to act as an unwitting purse (female version of a beard) or “cover up”. I see women who pursue marriage for the social safety and normalcy it provides, then slowly shift the dynamic by proposing an open relationship—exclusively for dating women. It feels less like exploration and more like avoidance, a way to maintain societal comfort while sidelining their deeper truths.
Take a friend of mine, for example—she’s dating a woman who has a husband. When the husband is out of town, my friend stays over, sometimes even in their bed. It’s a level of emotional gymnastics I can’t wrap my head around. While I admire her persistence in navigating such a complex situation, it’s clear she’s often hurt in the process. Yet, she holds on, striving to find what feels right despite the challenges.
On my own recent dates, I’ve encountered a recurring theme: women who are fresh out of engagements or marriages with men. Sometimes those relationships were open; sometimes, they weren’t. Either way, it breaks my heart. I empathize with the fear and societal pressure that can make coming out so difficult. But staying closeted while involving others—whether a male partner, a new romantic interest, or both—ultimately causes more harm than good. It sends a subtle but damaging message: that being LGBTQ+ is still something to hide or compromise on.
To anyone who feels stuck in this cycle, know that there are ways to work through it. You can find confidence and joy in embracing who you are without pulling others into the confusion. Take your time, seek support, and trust that coming out on your terms is possible. And when you’re ready, the right relationships—authentic, open, and fulfilling—will follow. If you need help on that journey, reach out to me.
